Well – what are you doing with it?
That second chance at life you got when you dodged the bullet that is many people’s biggest fear – the big C.
How are you making it count, now that you’ve survived what could’ve killed you?
Does what you’re doing every day really matter? Are you really using that second chance?
I ask myself that all the time – probably on a daily basis. Sometimes, it gets me all fired up and makes me feel good about all the things that I have done or am doing or one day would like to do.
But more often, especially lately, it just makes me feel like I’m wasting this chance I was given. I’m not doing enough. I’m certainly not out changing the world, that’s for sure. I just live a pretty standard life these days – wake up, go to the gym, go to work for my eight hours, come home, eat, sleep. Repeat.
“What the fuck – how have you not accomplished anything at all lately?! COME ON – you didn’t survive cancer to be mediocre.”
But you know what, maybe I did.
What’s wrong with living an “average” life? I’m essentially making myself feel like shit for being a normal person.
I have an insane work ethic and I bust my hump at everything that I commit myself to. I rarely take time off from work – this year is the first time I’ve actually taken a vacation since I started this job two years ago, and I needed it – I was burned out and barely getting anything done because I just didn’t have the motivation, but feeling super guilty about it. I came back refreshed, with more energy and the ability to actually power through my to-do list as efficiently as it’s become expected of me. (I told you I have an insane work ethic – that’s the thing that people rely on me for. If they ask me to do something, I’m going to do it – fast and well. Both of those things were suffering.) I’m in the gym five or six times a week and working on the mental aspect of it every single day. I make sure that I spend time with my husband – whether it’s a phone call or Facetime when he’s gone, or committing to a date night when he’s home to keep our relationship strong and happy.
So I have an average life these days. So what if I haven’t written a best-seller or climbed a mountain or had someone tell me I changed their life by sharing my story? Maybe I’ll never do these things. Maybe I’ll just live out my second chance being blissfully average.
I’m still a good person. I work hard. I love hard. I try to smile (but do suffer from resting bitch face) and to give people random compliments because it just feels good.
Maybe I need to be okay with that being everything I ever will do with my “second chance”. Maybe it isn’t a second chance. Maybe it’s just bad luck (diagnosis) and good luck (treatment options) combining for some sort of average life.
dancing with dr hodge 